I can’t hear them anymore, at least I think I can’t.
The pounding inside my chest is too loud, every heartbeat sounds like somebody banging on a metal door.
My lungs hurt.
My legs hurt.
Everything hurts.
I crouch behind a stack of cement blocks and press my body against the cold concrete.
Please.
Please don’t come this way.
I can taste blood in my mouth, I don’t even know where it came from. Maybe I bit my tongue while running, maybe I fell harder than I thought, maybe it doesn’t matter.
A flashlight beam cuts across the darkness.
Too close.
Way too close.
I squeeze my eyes shut, not because it will help, just because I don’t want to see them if they find me. The light disappears, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, then I hear her voice.
“Search behind those blocks.”
Amara.
Of course it’s Amara.
For some reason that hurts more than everything else, not the cuts on my knees, not the bruises on my arms, not even the fact that a dead man is lying somewhere behind us.
Amara.
My best friend, or at least the person I thought was my best friend. Funny. A few hours ago, if someone had asked me who I trusted most in this school, her name would’ve been the first to leave my mouth. Now I’m hiding from her, now she’s hunting me.
The craziest thing is that this morning was normal, completely normal.
I woke up.
Complained about school food.
Almost slept during Chemistry.
Borrowed a pen from Kelechi.
Argued with Tobi.
Laughed with Amara.
Normal.
The kind of day you forget immediately.
If somebody had told me this morning that before sunrise one person would be dead and four people would be trying to kill me, I would’ve laughed in their face, yet here we are.
My heart nearly stops when I hear footsteps.
Closer now.
Crunch.
Crunch.
Crunch.
They’re searching properly, not calling my name, not trying to talk, searching seriously. I close my eyes, and that’s when I see the guard again.
The blood.
God.
The blood.
I wish I never saw it.
I wish we never left the hostel.
I wish Tobi never brought those stupid bottles.
I wish Amara never pushed him.
I wish.
I wish.
I wish.
The wishes don’t change anything. It all started with Tobi, it always starts with Tobi. Somehow he got alcohol into school, nobody asked how, nobody cared.
All that mattered was that we were bored and somebody had come up with a way to make the night exciting.
Five of us.
Me.
Amara.
Tobi.
Kelechi.
Femi.
We’d been friends for almost three years, real friendship, or so I thought. The construction site was supposed to be fun and that’s the crazy part. We didn’t snuck out intending to hurt anybody, we didn’t plan for any of this.
We sat there laughing, talking rubbish, sharing drinks, and making fun of teachers, conversations we teenagers think will remember forever. Then the guard showed up and everything happened so fast.
One moment we’re laughing, the next we’re running, and then Femi gets caught. The guard grabs him, threatens to take us all to the principal and then Amara pushes him. Just one push, one stupid push, one second that changes everything.
The guard falls backwards, his head smashes against the tipper truck and suddenly there’s blood everywhere. I still remember dropping to my knees beside him.
“Sir?”
Nothing.
“Sir!”
Nothing.
His eyes were open, but there was nobody behind them anymore. I knew before anybody said it. I just knew. The silence afterwards was horrible, like the whole world stopped breathing. Then Tobi said it.
“We have to hide the body.”
I thought he was joking.
Who says that?
Who even thinks that?
But then Kelechi didn’t object, neither did Femi and Amara agreed immediately as if she’d already been thinking about it. I remember looking at them and wondering if I’d accidentally ended up with strangers.
I told them we had to report it. It was an accident, a terrible accident but still an accident. We should tell the truth, that should’ve been the end of it.
It wasn’t, because fear does strange things to people. Fear starts asking questions.
What if we get expelled?
What if we’re arrested?
What if our parents disown us?
What if our futures are ruined?
And slowly the conversation stopped being about the dead guard and it became about us. Then it became about me.
“If Ijeoma talks, we’re finished.”
Amara said it so casually, like she was discussing homework. I laughed, not because it was funny, but because it sounded impossible.
Then I looked at the boys.
Nobody looked shocked.
Nobody looked offended.
Nobody said she was crazy.
They were thinking about it, actually thinking about it and that’s when I understood something…Amara never liked me, not really.
The signs were there, I just ignored them. The little jealous comments, the fake compliments, the way her smile always looked forced whenever something good happened to me. Tonight she finally stopped pretending.
“Grab her.”
That’s all she said, grab her. Like I wasn’t her friend, like I wasn’t a person, like I was a problem. So I ran.
And now…
A hand grabs my shoulder.
I scream.
Another hand grabs my arm.
Then another.
Then another.
They’re everywhere.
“No!”
I kick wildly.
They drag me from behind the blocks, I can barely see through the tears. The rain has started falling and the construction site is turning into mud.
My fingers claw at the ground, trying to hold onto anything but everything slips away.
“Please!”
Nobody answers.
“Tobi!”
Nothing.
“Femi!”
Nothing.
“Kelechi!”
Nothing.
Only Amara speaks.
“Hold her.”
They drag me toward the pool of water. I know exactly what they’re about to do and somehow that’s the worst part. I fight harder, my shoulder feels like it’s about to come out of its socket. The water touches my feet.
Cold.
Then my knees.
Then my waist.
I can’t stop crying, not because I’m scared anymore, I’m beyond scared and heartbroken. I keep looking at their faces hoping somebody will stop this.
Anybody.
One person.
Just one.
Nobody does.
The water reaches my chest.
My neck.
My chin.
Should I’ve agreed?
Should I’ve just kept quiet?
Maybe I should have helped them in hiding the guard’s body?
A man died.
That was wrong.
But now I’m about to die too.
For what?
For telling the truth?
For doing the right thing?
For refusing to help cover up an accident?
Would I still have my life if I had simply said yes?
I honestly don’t know.
The boys hesitate, I see it. For a moment, they look unsure, then Amara looks at them and whatever doubt they had disappears. Four pairs of hands force me down.
The water covers my mouth.
My nose.
My eyes.
The world becomes silent, distorted, and far away. I open my eyes beneath the water, above me, I can still see them.
Tobi.
Kelechi.
Femi.
Amara.
Four faces staring down at me through the rain.
Four people who know exactly who I am.
Four people who know my favourite food, my birthday, my dreams and my secrets.
Four people I would’ve sworn loved me.
The water ripples, their faces blur, my chest begins to burn, I keep staring at them, and then I stop fighting. The last thing I see before the water turns everything dark is their faces looking back at me.